Tomorrow!!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY.....the one where I get a whole new heating and a/c unit. (I was going to type HVAC, but since the vent/ducting won't be replaced right now, that is not a completely correct statement.)

Since the technician that the warranty company sent told me that I really needed to replace the whole condenser unit, but, of course, did not communicate that at all to the warranty company, all they were willing to do was replace the compressor. And they continued to stress that they are a "repair" company, not a "replacement" company, so there was no way to upgrade the amount they would pay out. (But frankly, I wasn't willing to just do the repair and have to deal with all this drama again at any point!!!) So, after waiting 4 1/2 days for a phone call, transferring through at least 3 supervisors, all the money they will give me is what they would have paid the service company for the compressor (about $500). And of course, since they are a big, national company, they are able to cut deals and get equipment for cheaper than the average joe. (of course cheaper equipment probably isn't the greatest deal of all time either!!) Quite frustrating, but not at all surprising.

I have liked the repair company that was recommended to me so far -- they have been great to deal with, talk with, and learn from. And tomorrow they will be putting in my whole new unit!!!

Now that the inside and outside units match, they should be much more efficient and it gets me a GREAT warranty. Parts/labor for first year; parts only on the AC for 10 years and on the heat exchanger for 20 years! And next spring when I have saved back up some money and will get the old, uninsulated, poorly designed duct work system replaced and reconfigured and a few more vents cut, I will be able to realize the full efficiency of this great new unit!

So excited. Very glad to be able to move back home and not be living out of a suitcase and laundry basket anymore. My savings account is not so excited.....oh, well. Yet another joy of home ownership....

Back in the world of technology

The past two days, our internet connection at work has been down. That meant no work email, no personal email, no blogs, no time-killing surfing the net.

It also meant that our connection to our corporate headquarters was broken. Thus, several of my main sources of work were unavailable due to the location of the data and servers. Made for a couple of interesting days trying to stay productive. And, of course, there were folks that griped and whined all day long.

But, tonight, it appears that we are back in business. I was able to check work email from home a few minutes ago, and (thankfully!) only had 37 messages to wade through.

Kinda funny to think how crippled we were without internet and email. I think people forgot how to use the telephone and traditional fax machine!

Waiting.....

Some song lyrics have been running through my head off and on today.....

Everlasting God Chris Tomlin

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

If you know me at all....or have been reading my blog for a while....you can probably tell that I've been not quite myself for a while. I can't quite pinpoint when I turned that dark corner, but it feels as if I have been slipping away into another person for several months now. I'm taking steps to reclaim myself, but it will probably take a little while.

One really large component of this shift - and I know I've blogged about this before, but it is some kind of vicious cycle - is that at nearly 32 years of age my life is no where near where I thought it would be or wanted it to be. A couple of years ago, I was asked to speak at a ladies retreat at my church. The speech I gave is here. Reading back over that, I almost can't even believe that I wrote it. I wouldn't write the same speech today. I just feel that I've lost a bit of that hope and calm assurance.

I don't want to lose hope. But, it feels like these demons of loneliness, fear, temptation, despair, unworthiness, anger, spite, bitterness, regret and so many others just have their talons sunk deep into my heart and soul right now. Sometimes I do wonder - and it seems almost heretical to say - "God, are you really there? Do you really love me? Are you really leading my life and working out Your plan?"

I've never been patient. I want what I want....and I want it now! Lately, this waiting game is getting harder and harder. A large part is because I just can't see where God is leading me .... and so, I begin to question if He is actually leading. I play the comparison game - though I know I shouldn't. Looking at people who are my age (or younger) who are married, with kids, etc....wondering why I am still bearing this burden and struggling under this enormous weight.

I've had a few meltdowns lately -- seems they are coming more and more often. I think, though, in a strange way, that it is good for me. A little bit of humility with my friends and church family - chipping away a bit at the prideful me that goes to church with my "everything is fine" happy face on so much of the time. A reminder that there are folks there that love me -- for me who I am right now. Not the me that is perfect or that is doing something for them, but just plain Jenni, scars, warts and all. It is also a reminder to me that these people love me because they love God. And they are trying hard as they can to show me His love. I just need to work on receiving it more graciously as I wait on God to reveal more of His plan for my life.

I continue to pray for that strength that will come.....

Tired and frustrated

I'm tired. I'm frustrated.

I'm tired from work. I'm stressed from the year-end hoopla. Thankfully we have a couple of new folks since this time last year which have drastically cut down my hours (see here and here). But, the stress has still been pretty high and I'm tired.

I'm frustrated at the place where I am in my life. I'm sure most of it is just cyclical emotions, but I've had some good time the past few weeks with my new little friend Charlie (my friend Heather's 2 month old precious boy) and I'm so ready for that part of my life! I know I'm not supposed to wish away the "now," but I can't help it. The fact that there really aren't any prospects for moving things along makes it even harder. And it didn't help that today I found out that an invitation that I was issued is good for "me and family" or "me and guest." Read: one guest. If I had a husband and 7 children, we would ALL be invited. But since I am single, I only get one guest. How does that work?