Ten on Ten - September 2012

new {temporary} sleeping quarters in my parents' house

new {temporary} workspace - in my parents' dining room!

part of the garden in my parents' backyard

great-grandparents flanking a bouquet of buttons that belonged to my grandmommy

FedEx package ready to go back to the office

the reason for my move :-)

donating platelets at Meek

view from my computer

vintage stained glass window hanging in my bathroom

and the theme of my life right now....
navigating Plan B

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Ten on Ten - August 2012

Well, this month's 10 on 10 found me on the eve of a major move.  Thankfully my mom came and helped me get packed up so that when the movers arrived today, they were almost surprised at how completely ready for them I was. But the move was today, the 11th of August.  The 10th brought final packing and errands before the big day.

one pile ready for the packers to do their magic

the fantastic packers - 2 hours for lots and lots of breakables to get packed up and ready to move - 14 boxes worth!

first errand after the packers finished was to drop off the cable box/modem

lunch with Sarah during our afternoon out

one last pair of new tennies from Run On - highly recommend this great store if you live in the Dallas area

afternoon distraction

first visit to Ulta - the ultimate drug store / makeup store.....wow!!

yummy supper of pizza and tortellini shared with good friends - I will miss our close proximity Sarah & Katie!

desk is last thing to be totally cleared off and ready for the movers

boxes, boxes and more boxes.....just waiting for the movers to arrive

And then bright and early today a fantastic team of Mike, Duke, Dee and Romero showed up at my house to load all of my stuff into crates on an 18 wheeler to await the direction of my new adventure.  {a special shout out to my friends Sarah and Jamie who kept me company yesterday and today} I'll be heading west in a couple of weeks to be closer to family and will be searching for a new direction of my career, as well as a new home to share with family and friends.  Pray that I'll be following closely the path God has set for me and that the fear and uncertainties will be overcome by peace.

Happy New Year

Here's to a brand new year....full of new hopes, adventures, dreams and possibilities and leaving behind the worries, fears, failures and unfulfilled wishes of the past.

My girls

This past weekend my home was flooded with friends. My best girls from college came in and we spent a fantastic weekend ..... eating, laughing, praying, crying, singing, creating ..... it was so so fun.

A tiny sampling of the fullness of my kitchen:

Mollie and Dara:

Mollie and Sarah making some YUMMY cake balls.......

Sara, Mollie & Sarah at Bueno (a request of Dara, our California girl)

Sarah had a great idea for us to have a creative project to enjoy while visiting, so I dragged out my scrapbook supplies and we went to town!

Saturday afternoon we ventured out to the Etsy Jingle Bash. Lots of fun, handmade treasures displayed in a funky old building down in Deep Ellum.

One of my favorite things about these weekends is our late night singing & praying. This year we spent almost 5 hours in worship together, rejoicing and mourning with each other and bearing each other's burdens. These girls are such a blessing to me!

Sadly, it all had to come to an end. Monday afternoon, I did loads of sheets and towels and began to deck the halls of my little home for Christmas. Now, off to visit with my little Emily for the next several days!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Home Again....

Daddy said they made it home about 10:00 this morning. When they got ready for Mom to go home, they moved right along!

So far, all is well. Mom has a prescription filled for pain pills and she's supposed to eat what she feels like eating, but probably will be a soft diet for the next few days until her throat recovers a bit (she was intubated for the surgery). She has a few restrictions - no driving, no lifting anything over 10 pounds (= a gallon of milk!). She will be able to hold Emily though, as long as she doesn't lift her, so that is a good thing!

Thanks so much for all your prayers.....

Update

Mom's out of surgery....the doctor called and said they did what they planned to do -- two fusions, I believe......anyway, things went fine. She'll be in recovery for and hour-ish and then will go to her room. Thanks so much for all your prayers.....continue them for her sanity during recovery!!!

Blogland prayers

Friends - in about 12 hours my mom will be going into surgery to fuse vertebrae in her neck.....please be praying for the surgeon as he performs his delicate task. Be praying for the rest of us as we wait through the surgery and for the six+ weeks of recovery to come....

Waiting.....

Some song lyrics have been running through my head off and on today.....

Everlasting God Chris Tomlin

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

If you know me at all....or have been reading my blog for a while....you can probably tell that I've been not quite myself for a while. I can't quite pinpoint when I turned that dark corner, but it feels as if I have been slipping away into another person for several months now. I'm taking steps to reclaim myself, but it will probably take a little while.

One really large component of this shift - and I know I've blogged about this before, but it is some kind of vicious cycle - is that at nearly 32 years of age my life is no where near where I thought it would be or wanted it to be. A couple of years ago, I was asked to speak at a ladies retreat at my church. The speech I gave is here. Reading back over that, I almost can't even believe that I wrote it. I wouldn't write the same speech today. I just feel that I've lost a bit of that hope and calm assurance.

I don't want to lose hope. But, it feels like these demons of loneliness, fear, temptation, despair, unworthiness, anger, spite, bitterness, regret and so many others just have their talons sunk deep into my heart and soul right now. Sometimes I do wonder - and it seems almost heretical to say - "God, are you really there? Do you really love me? Are you really leading my life and working out Your plan?"

I've never been patient. I want what I want....and I want it now! Lately, this waiting game is getting harder and harder. A large part is because I just can't see where God is leading me .... and so, I begin to question if He is actually leading. I play the comparison game - though I know I shouldn't. Looking at people who are my age (or younger) who are married, with kids, etc....wondering why I am still bearing this burden and struggling under this enormous weight.

I've had a few meltdowns lately -- seems they are coming more and more often. I think, though, in a strange way, that it is good for me. A little bit of humility with my friends and church family - chipping away a bit at the prideful me that goes to church with my "everything is fine" happy face on so much of the time. A reminder that there are folks there that love me -- for me who I am right now. Not the me that is perfect or that is doing something for them, but just plain Jenni, scars, warts and all. It is also a reminder to me that these people love me because they love God. And they are trying hard as they can to show me His love. I just need to work on receiving it more graciously as I wait on God to reveal more of His plan for my life.

I continue to pray for that strength that will come.....

501

Apparently today is post # 501. Wow. Who knew that I would write 500 entries about such a seemingly boring and normal single gal's life? Thanks for coming along for the ride.

~~~~~~~~~

I read a post on Katrina's blog today that is really good. Go check it out. This sentence resonates completely with me:

I am too independent for my own good. I try to shoulder every responsibility myself, I shy away from asking for help, and I even apologize for asking people to pray for me.

I am trying very hard to not hold myself back from my community quite so much, but it is very hard. Without diving deeper than I want the whole internets to know, things are tough for me right now. I'm trying to let my friends help support me, but I too have a very hard time asking for help. I'm trying to do better. Katrina's post just helped remind me that I need to use the support system that I am a part of -- just as I try to provide support for others.

Better.....

Amazing what a little sleep will do for you.....yes, it is still the middle of the night, but I woke up calm and couldn't go back to sleep, so I thought I'd let you know that I'm doing much better.....thanks for the prayers!

Prayers

Normally I refrain from writing emails or blog posts when I am unusually emotional. Tonight, I think I might need your prayers just to make it through the night.

I don't really want to go into details for the whole internet, but suffice it to say, my tear ducts got going tonight and I can't make them stop.

Hail

So, I'm sitting in a hotel in Yuma, Colorado......listening to at least golf ball size hail rain down on the roof above me and periodically smash into my window.....please pray that this storm will pass quickly and that there will be no major damage or injuries.

Hail appears to be done for now.....still raining and thunder, though.....

Home Blessing

When I moved to the metroplex almost 8 years ago, I started attending Crosstrainers, a singles bible study through my church hosted in the Clifton’s home. Over the years, Crosstrainers moved with the Cliftons through several homes. On the first Wednesday night meeting in each new house, we blessed the home and the family by praying throughout the home for specific things in various rooms.

Last night, I was blessed to have such a “prayer walk” through my home. Jim led our Crosstrainers bible study and he facilitated last night. We started in the living room with admonitions from scripture on blessing and consecrating a home to the glory of God and His service. And then we moved around from room to room and began the blessing of my home – the living room, office, guest room, my bedroom, yard, and kitchen. The Cliftons were there, as were some of my elders, our preacher and other close friends. I was moved to tears several times by the sweet words that were prayed over those rooms and my life.

I do truly hope to use the blessings the Lord has heaped upon me to bless others. And I love to entertain and make my home open and inviting to friends and family. I’ve been told that I have a gift of hospitality and desire to use this home to cultivate that gift and share warmth, love and welcome to everyone that stops by.