Good Thoughts.....

So, I've been {at least somewhat} transparent here that being single at age 37 wasn't in my plans for my life. I fully intended to be married with several kids at this point in my life.  I don't typically do a great job of expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way that makes sense without sounding like I'm whining or complaining, so I'm just gonna link up to some good things I think you should watch and read.

My church is currently doing a series called "Sequels" about how we've turned love, dating, marriage, sex, family etc into idols.  A few weeks ago, the topic was on being single and how the church has made being married the be-all, end-all of Christian life - never mind the fact that the man we follow, Jesus, was single!  I thought that Jonathan Storment (our preaching minister) and Jeff Childers (ACU bible professor) did a good job of tackling a topic that I've never actually heard preached in church - that being single is ok and I'm not broken because I am not married.  (And that it is still ok for me to want to be married -- and for others that it is ok to NOT want to be married.)

It sounds a bit harsh, but those two comments are things that I have struggled with for many, many years - and they reinforce lies that I have been told by my churches. Oh, not in overt ways, of course. But in the subtle, subversive ways that Satan tells his side of the story.

So, here are some of the lies I heard the church telling me about being single and how I fit in the body:

• Jenni, you are single, so of course you have to volunteer for every event the church is putting on (and if you don't, we'll make you feel guilty).
• Jenni, you are single, so of course the best place for you to spend your time at church is in the nursery - those poor parents need a break (oh, I'm sorry, does this make your heart shatter with the unfulfilled longings for your own children? sorry)
• Jenni, you are single - and our young families are SO busy, so we need YOU to help out with XYZ, as we can't expect them to contribute to the body.....
• Jenni, you are single and I forget that you have a job and home and other commitments, but of course they aren't nearly as important as our young families and the raising of their children, so you need to blah, blah, blah.
• Jenni, you are of course an integral part of our body, but you are single, and we don't really think that is important enough to find a way to make you feel valuable to our body, so we aren't going to try to find a way to support you in your life. Instead you get to go to bible class where the lesson illustrations are all about family - or you are in a class with strictly college aged kids.  Oh, and the sermon illustrations - again....it's all about the family.
• Jenni, you are single, and that means you must not need close community, intimacy, trust, touch, etc......you are an INDEPENDENT WOMAN. 

And the part about me not being broken - I have heard the unasked questions and unspoken comments (and sometimes, the overtly asked questions/comments).....

• Jenni, when you stop looking, you will find your husband!
• Jenni, have you tried eHarmony, match.com, etc etc etc???
• Jenni, why don't you go to ABC church up the street -- I've heard they have a great singles program.
• Jenni, think of all the heartache you have escaped! You are so lucky....
• Jenni, when you fully trust in God and rely only on Him, then you will be blessed with a husband.
• Jenni, when you have solved {whatever it is in you that is broken}, then your husband will appear!
• Jenni, why don't you try exercising at the gym? When you feel good about yourself, you will be more attractive to potential mates.

Jonathan and Jeff's lesson certainly doesn't "fix" anything or solve the lies that I've been fed - and believed! - over pretty much my entire life (including my time at ACU - it's not referred to as a marriage factory for nothing), but it at least opens the conversation.  You can check out the recording here - the sermon starts around the 30 minute mark (http://new.livestream.com/accounts/245792/events/2419633/videos/30627043).

Jonathan then wrote a blog post the next day and referenced an article I had also recently read.  Here is Jonathan's post and the article he referenced.  There is a topic in this last article that I first discovered a few years ago - that of disenfranchised grief.  I read this article a few years ago and it really spoke to me about my feelings of pain over not having the chance to be a mom - yet or maybe ever.

And, even today, I read another post.....about the pain and baggage of never being chosen....and it resonated mightily with me.... except I'm a bit older than the author.

I don't have any way to wrap this post in a pretty bow.  But, I wanted to have these links all in one place - and give you, my readers, resources to try to hear and grieve with a sister.

Sweet fellowship

Whew......cRaZy insane busy day at work......but what a sweet ending.

My church sponsors missionaries in Chiang Mai, Thailand and they are home this summer on furlough. I know lots of people that have gone through their internship program, but had never really spent any time with David & Michelle because they were already gone when I moved here.

So, one of the things our missions committee is doing while they are home is coordinating schedules with folks from church that were interested in hosting meals for the family and spending time with them. Since I have COMPLETELY slacked off on hosting people in my home this year (well, really since mid-2008), I decided this would be an easy thing to do. Signed up and tonight was my night.

I think I've told you that we are in the midst of a major software upgrade at work. I'm very involved with that and we are one week in to the new software. So, it is the first accounting cycle through everything. We are doing lots and lots of checking and double checking to ensure that the processing is working correctly. I've been struggling through pieces of one calculation task this week. Our consultants are officially rolling off the project tomorrow and pushing us to their support team going forward. So today was kinda D-DAY for getting through the process. Yikes. (and it was our monthly staff meeting as well)

I decided that I needed to leave by 5:30 to ensure that I had time to get home and do the last minute things like empty the dishwasher, set the table, make tea, etc.......Well, 5:30 came and went and we were smack dab in the middle of the last part of the process. So, I didn't end up leaving the office until 6:00......chicken spaghetti was made, but in the fridge....needed 30 minutes to bake. My purple juice salad is very easy, but does take some last minute prep, as does the sauteed broccoli. So, I get home at 6:25 and they were scheduled to arrive at 7:00. Somehow I made it getting all the stuff done that I needed to and everything was ready when they arrived a few minutes after 7:00. Whew.

Brielle (5th grade) fairly well tackled me with hugs as she walked in the door and was a great helper getting things on the table and taking drink orders. Brianna (7th grade) was quite interested in my Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss books on the bookshelf. Conversation was easy as David, Michelle & I got to know each other better through dinner. It was even nice enough to sit outside for a bit after dinner. What a blessing to have that nice fellowship to end a crazy hectic day.

Mowing, part 2

Still no juice to the mower this morning.....guess it is going to get a visit to the lawn mower doctor.....

Planning to visit an estate sale in my neighborhood this morning when it opens, take the mower in, and run a bunch of errands. Make a couple of treats for class at church tomorrow and a Cinco de Mayo potluck for work on Tuesday. Put away clean laundry, straighten up the house.....all just basic Saturday chores.

new license plates & scrapbooking

So my question of the day is this......why did I have to get new license plates?

I bought my car in November 2000. So, this November will be 7 years that I've had my car. When I renewed the registration, they sent me new license plates. WHY??

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I went on another scrapbook retreat this last weekend. And ..... drumroll, please ..... I finished my scrapbook! It started with my surprise 30th birthday party last year, covered my trips to New York and Germany, the purchase of my house last fall, and Christmas. Yay!! Now, I just have to decide if I have enough scrapbook-worthy things going on to start another.....or just come up with other projects for retreats.

My favorite part of these retreats is just being able to sit around a visit with these ladies from church that have become such mentors and friends. Church can be so hectic trying to chase kids, meet commitments, etc that it is hard to have time to really visit. These retreats provide hours and hours to talk, laugh, cry, and share with each other. It is so good.

Catching up.....

I know, I know.....I've been away a while. Sorry.

I can say that I've been thoroughly enjoying my iPod. Two days after I bought it, my family left for our vacation -- a road trip this year to and through Tennessee. It was great fun to all spend a week together - though I think we all were tired of the car by the time we got back home.

This past weekend my church family had our first all-church retreat. It was so much fun - lots of extended fellowship and times to play. If it hadn't been quite so hot it would have been even better!

Beyond all that, it's really just the same ol thing.....work and life!

Married

Well, they've done it. My friends Brad and Laura are now well and truly married. After a breathtakingly beautiful heartfelt and poignant ceremony, we adjorned to the Tower Club for a quite atypical CofC wedding reception. Truth be known, it was an all out party. So fun. Good food and drink, good music, lots of good friends and fellowship time. Now, I'm off to sleep.....to dream of my prince charming and someday wedding.....

Home Blessing

When I moved to the metroplex almost 8 years ago, I started attending Crosstrainers, a singles bible study through my church hosted in the Clifton’s home. Over the years, Crosstrainers moved with the Cliftons through several homes. On the first Wednesday night meeting in each new house, we blessed the home and the family by praying throughout the home for specific things in various rooms.

Last night, I was blessed to have such a “prayer walk” through my home. Jim led our Crosstrainers bible study and he facilitated last night. We started in the living room with admonitions from scripture on blessing and consecrating a home to the glory of God and His service. And then we moved around from room to room and began the blessing of my home – the living room, office, guest room, my bedroom, yard, and kitchen. The Cliftons were there, as were some of my elders, our preacher and other close friends. I was moved to tears several times by the sweet words that were prayed over those rooms and my life.

I do truly hope to use the blessings the Lord has heaped upon me to bless others. And I love to entertain and make my home open and inviting to friends and family. I’ve been told that I have a gift of hospitality and desire to use this home to cultivate that gift and share warmth, love and welcome to everyone that stops by.