Friday, January 18, 2008

I messed up

I realized today that I have completely messed up a friendship. I did something really stupid and found out today just how badly that stupid act damaged our friendship.

I've apologized to my friend without trying to make excuses. I don't know if forgiveness will be forthcoming or if the friendship can be salvaged or repaired.

My heart aches and my stomach is churning over this.

Any words of wisdom?


That Girl said...

You've done all you can do. The ball is in your friend's court now. God has forgiven you and you have to forgive yourself.

Sometimes we have to live with the consequences of our actions and the friendship might never be the same. Hopefully, it can be stronger.


Jacinda said...

Gosh, that's hard! I would say pray about it and leave it to God. You've apologized to your friend so there's not much more you can do where that's concerned. ((hugs))

Miss G said...

Jenni, I'm really sorry. I hope it gets better. Kelly

Jim said...

That happened to us in Amarillo with a couple. Fortunately, they told us and we were able to reconcile. We are still very close today, 25 years later.

Joey said...

Life is a choice. You've chosen to take the first step toward making things right with your friend. Your next choice is whether you'll still be there when your friend chooses to forgive. I know you. I believe you will be. God will bless both you and your friend.

Erica said...

I hate those moments when you realize that you have hurt someone without meaning to. I agree with the others who said you just have to pray about it and leave it to God. I am sure that your friend knows you have a sincere heart and would never have let this happpen on purpose. Hugs to you:) I will be praying for a positive resolution.

jaime s said...

Jenni-- I think humility is the most important part (and most difficult part) of an apology. I ALWAYS struggle with apologizing. I want to defend myself, explain that I didn't intend to cause pain (and therefore excusing myself from any wrong doing). My nature screams out "You didn't mean to so don't make a big deal out of it. They shouldn't have overreacted!"

Murray on the other hand is GREAT at apologizing. He is quick to admit wrong and ask for forgiveness. I have learned a lot from him and the following is what I have tried to include in my apologies now....(keep in mind I still struggle with this but at least having a "format" helps me swallow my pride and ask for forgiveness more often!)

"I am really sorry that I _____. I see how it has hurt you and I need to ask for you to forgive me."

The most important part for me is to keep the period at the end of the sentence and stop talking. (That's when I want to add the but.... or try to explain why I did what I did in order to make myself look better).

It sounds like you've given a great apology based on your blog post but thought I'd pass along this info in case it can help.

I'll be praying for your friendship.

SG said...

You know I just don't think you can sink a good friendship for good. It may submerge and take some time to resurface, but good friendships can survive a whole lot of "stupid" if the hearts are open. Good luck and do not beat yourself up over this. We are not perfect and even as grown-ups all of us do stupid things from time to time!

Jenn said...

i've done the same thing. we are still not friends, it's been two years. this is something that made me so sad and sick. i have prayed and prayed and prayed. it was so hard for me to give up a friendship that was more than 10 years old. i blamed myself (because according to her it was my fault) i tried to explain, to no avail. i apologized profusely and at one low point even called her and begged on her answering machine to not let a ten year friendship come down to this.

no answer, not one, ever.

does this sound horrible? well it was, and is.
what helped?
the Lord. i had to forgive not only her, but MYSELF. even though the things i was accused of were not all fair (in my eyes) one day while deep, deep in misery type prayer the Lord said to me, "why are you hanging onto this?" i told him because we were friends for a long time, we had so many things between us so on. he gently reminded me that i had asked for forgiveness, begged for forgiveness, offered forgiveness and received his forgiveness. was this person, indeed a friend? if someone wronged me in this way and asked for forgiveness would i be able to forgive? he showed me, carefully where our lives were so different and helped me get past the need of her to be my friend and turn to Him to take that place.
if she called and asked to be friends today, i would. but i would never let someone be closer to me than God ever again. that is my circumstance.